Un”friend”liness

Let me preface this by saying I am not a particularly “social” person, in the way the word is used today. Not that I feel comfortable at parties, but rather that I don’t rate high on assessments showing social contacts as being important to my learning style. This would include the Multiple Intelligences survey, where my high scores are in language, music, and intrapersonal (self), but low in interpersonal (social).

When I began joining social networks, it was always with my personal learning in mind. I was creating, in the new edutech lingo, a “Personal Learning Network”, links with people from whom I could learn, usually about things I could apply to online teaching. Often these connections were one-way, like reading their blogs. Sometimes, as with Twitter or Ning groups, they could be two-way or multi-way communication.

Eventually I became active in Twitter, tried Plurk and gave it up because of a visual interface that hogged screen space, eschewed MySpace (since I’m neither 13 years old nor have a band), and opened an account in Facebook.

My Twitter network focuses primarily on people in educational technology, and a few like-minded professors, all of whom live somewhere else (mostly in Canada). I can count on one hand Twitter pals that I know in person. Because of who they are, I rarely hear about what they had for breakfast or what movie they’re seeing. They tend to post their struggles with technology or pedagogy, and links to useful tools. If I delete them (or block them, as I do those who are trying to make money from me), I don’t feel badly. I post whatever I want, knowing they don’t have to “follow” me if they don’t like what I write. This is my stream coming in from the outside world. It must be useful to me.

It has gradually become clear that Facebook is different. Old high school friends have found me, or I have found them. MiraCostans have found me. Students have found me. Family members. People from the Connectivism course and my Twitter network have “befriended” me.

In Twitter, you aren’t “friends”. You follow people or not. One of my Twitter pals posted that Facebook should require people “unfriending” you to say why. Not only do I disagree, I find the expected “commitment” in Facebook to be somewhat stifling. Not following someone is one thing, but here you’re clicking an X because you don’t want to be someone’s friend anymore. That’s one part of high school I definitely do not miss!

Nevertheless, I decided that FB was becoming overcrowded with disparate contacts who were not contributing anything to my learning or my true social life. I don’t need to read my students whining about not wanting to go to class. Many of my Twitter pals have their tweets posted in FB, so those posts duplicate what I already read. And many of the people from the Connectivism class I didn’t really get to “know” anyway. I would like Twitter to be (mostly) my educational technology network, and FB to be (mostly) my friends and real-life colleagues network. That’s my choice, right?

So yesterday I posted to FB: “If I un-friend you in the next few days, please forgive me and don’t be offended.” A couple of people protested. One apologized profusely if he had upset me. My colleague Greg Hope answered: “How efficient technology can be! This kind of thing takes years in the real world and hardly ever includes prefab forgiveness. I’m finally beginning to understand Facebook!”

So I’ll apologize here too, because people who actually know me in the online environment read my blog, at least occasionally. But it does feel kind of bizarre….